You may have heard this before.
Maybe even from this little newsletter in a past episode.
Hopefully, you need to hear it again.
Stop comparing your life to everyone else’s and start building the future you actually want. 🧱
Because somewhere between scrolling through everyone else's highlight reel, worrying about money, dealing with work, raising kids, and trying to remember what the hell you were supposed to do today...
We can lose control of our own lives.
And sometimes, we don't even realize we're doing it.
So... what ARE you spending your energy on?
Here's a little experiment. 🧪
Think about the things you've spent your time, money, and mental energy on recently.
Now ask yourself:
"Would I still do this if nobody else knew about it?"
Oof. That one just feels different.
We all love to treat ourselves every now and then.
There's absolutely nothing wrong with that.
But sometimes we're not buying something because we actually want it.
We're buying it because we want to feel something.
Successful. 💰
Important. 🤵🏻
Included. 🤲🏻
Better than yesterday. 🦸🏻♂️
And that feeling is usually pretty damn temporary.
Then the credit card statement arrives. 💸
Now think about subscriptions.
Check yours. Seriously…
There may be something quietly charging you every month that you haven't used since fidget spinners were all the rage.
Now you're giving someone money for absolutely nothing.
Don't worry, that comment is directed at ourselves.
I've been an idiot too. 🤦🏻♂️
The point is don’t beat yourself up over every bad decision.
Make sure you notice your decisions.
Because that's how we get this ball rolling.
Enter: The Internal Locus of Control 🎮
Psychology has a term for this: Locus of control.
It's basically your belief about how much influence you have over what happens in your life.
Someone with a more external locus of control tends to believe their outcomes are mostly determined by luck, circumstances, other people, timing, or forces outside their control.
Someone with a more internal locus of control tends to believe their own choices, effort, behavior, and attitude play an important role in what happens next.
And before we go any further...
This does NOT mean you control everything.
You can't control the economy. 📉
You can't control your boss. 🦹🏻♂️
You can't control whether your kid decides to have a meltdown in Target. 🫠
You definitely can't control whether your flight gets delayed. 🛬
And you can't control every crappy thing life throws at you. 💩
But you can control how you respond.
That's when we need to be at our best.
Research in psychology has associated a stronger internal locus of control with things like greater resilience, better coping, lower perceived stress, and stronger achievement motivation.
In other words...
It feels pretty damn good to believe you're holding the controller. 🎮
So how do we grab it?
Start asking yourself better questions when something goes wrong:
What part of this is actually within my control?
What's one tiny thing I can do right now?
If my best friend were dealing with this, what would I tell them?
How would the person I want to become handle this?
What can I do to create some space between what happened and how I respond?
Those questions don't magically fix your problems.
But they put you back in the driver's seat.
That's a pretty good place to start.
1. Take Personal Responsibility 🫵🏻
This one is simple. Give yourself credit.
You put in the work to advance your career.
You saved up for the house.
You bought the car.
You finished the degree.
You built the business.
You figured out how to juggle work and kids' schedules.
You got yourself through a really freaking hard year. 👏🏻
Those things didn't happen by accident.
YOU did that.
Bishhh... You're doing a good job. 🏅
Go ahead, take a bow!
We don't give ourselves enough credit.
But personal responsibility has another side. 🎭
You also have to own your mistakes.
This might start to get uncomfortable…
You weren't late to work because of a little traffic.
You were late because you didn't leave enough time.
Then you tried making up for it by driving 90 mph.
Then the police lights came on.
And now you're reallyyyyy late.
Congratulations. 🎉
You have successfully turned one small mistake into three larger problems.
We've all done some version of this. 🙋🏻♂️
Forgot something we were supposed to bring.
Put something on the calendar for the wrong time.
Didn't pack sweatshirts for those crisp, cool autumn nights.
Left laundry in the washing machine for two days.
Those examples might have come directly from recent personal experience… this past week.
The point is what happens after we screw up.
You can blame traffic.
Your spouse.
Your boss.
Your kids.
Your calendar app.
The weather.
Mercury.
Or… You can say: "Yep. That one's on me. My bad.”
And move on.
Because once you take ownership of a mistake, you can actually learn from it.
"Well... I'm probably not doing THAT again."
That's progress. That’s B.A.
2. Build Your Motivation 🚀
Once you start believing that your effort actually matters, something changes.
You start doing more. You start trying.
You start solving problems instead of blankly staring at them.
Maybe you're saving for the dream vacation.
Working toward a promotion.
Looking for a better career.
Paying off debt.
Finishing the degree.
Starting the business.
Getting your health back on track.
Whatever it is, it's probably not going to happen overnight.
Big goals rarely do.
Try to focus on this: You don't need to finish today.
You just need to move. Take those small steps towards your goals.
Save another $50.
Send the application.
Take the class.
Make the phone call.
Write the first paragraph.
Take the walk.
Spend 30 minutes working on the thing you've been putting off.
Then tell yourself: "I've got this." 💪🏻
It might sound cheesy. Do it anyway.
We’ve said it before: Action creates confidence.
And every time you prove to yourself that your effort can change something...
You strengthen that internal locus of control.
3. Practice Proactive Coping 🧠
This might be the biggest one.
Stop spending your energy trying to change things you can't control.
That's the rabbit hole. We all know the one.
"What's the point?"
"It never works out for me."
“The system is rigged.”
"Other people have great lives. That's just not in the cards for me."
"If only ______ hadn't happened..."
We've all been there.
Occasionally, life really does suck.
Sometimes you get dealt a terrible hand. 🃏
Sometimes someone else makes a decision that screws up your plans. 🪛
Sometimes you do everything right and still don't get the outcome you wanted. 💣
That's life. Get on with it.
Sitting there endlessly replaying what “should have happened” doesn't change what happens next.
So instead, ask yourself: What can I change?
That's your lane. Focus there.
Stay strong and keep on.
Maybe the original plan isn't going to work. Fine. Change the plan.
Maybe Plan B becomes Plan A.
Maybe the detour becomes the destination.
Maybe the life you end up building looks completely different.
Maybe it ends up better than the one you originally imagined. 🥠
You Don't Control Everything. 🎛️
But you control more than you think.
Your locus of control isn't some magical wand you wave over your problems.
And it's not a switch you flip once and suddenly become an unstoppable productivity machine.
It's a practice. A way of thinking. A habit. ♻️
You can get better at it.
The next time something goes wrong, stray away from:
"Why is this happening to me?"
And replace it with:
"What am I going to do about it?"
You can either stay stuck in the mud or get up and go. 🏇🏻
You won’t be able to control the entire future.
Just focus on taking control of your NEXT move. ♟️
So stop worrying about everybody else's scoreboard.
Stop waiting for the perfect circumstances.
Stop handing the steering wheel to bad luck, comparison, fear, or somebody else's opinion.
Grab the damn wheel.
Your life is still yours.
And you can accomplish anything your little heart desires. ❤️
Now That's B.A.
Inspirational Quote🥊
"It’s the repetition of affirmations that leads to belief. And once that belief becomes a deep conviction, things begin to happen." - Muhammad Ali
